3 Critical Decisions Sports Parents Must Make

There are 3 decisions that most sports parents never consciously make, and it costs their athlete joy, health, and success.

Not making them will also cost you, the parent, as well. Conversely, choosing to make these 3 decisions will increase your joy and impact as a sports mom or dad.

1. The Decision to: Rethink Recognition and Rewards

Your child repeats behaviors that they are recognized and rewarded for.

They also draw their sense of value and worth from the things they are consistently recognized and rewarded for.

A decision I encourage sports parents to make it this→ start recognizing them for who they are, not just for what they accomplish.

• Point out their gifts and strengths as people, not just the ones they have as athletes
  
• Double down on positive reinforcement when you see them displaying strong character traits such as:
  
• Resilience and perseverance (not giving up when things get tough)
• Displaying empathy towards others
• Doing something fun for themselves outside of sports
• Resting and recovering! Yes, reinforce that please!!!
• _____________________ fill in the blank for habits and actions you’d love to see repeated based on your family values
• Celebrate them with a night out at their favorite restaurant when you see them being resilient, a great teammate, demonstrating leadership, etc.
  
  

Whatever your values are, make sure you reward when you see them displayed.
 

2. The Decision to: Question Your Questions

The questions we ask our kids do 2 important things for them:

• They reveal values- questions tell our kids what matters most to mom and dad (and coach)
  
  
• They reinforce values- the questions we are over and over again reinforce those values

If you value your child working hard, what question should you ask them after a hard fought game? ➡️ “Did you work hard?”

If you value your child choosing to be positive and learning from their failures, what question should you ask them after they get the tough news that they didn’t make the team, didn’t earn 1st team all conference, or didn’t get the grade they wanted? ➡️“What can you learn from this?” of course.

But what does it reveal to our kids when we ask “how did you do today?"

It reveals that results matter most. 

And so often, most sports parents find themselves unintentionally asking that question and unintentionally communicating to their son or daughter that stats are more important than character. Period. 

Questioning your questions is exhausting. I wish we didn’t have to do it. But we do, so therefore it’s a top 3 decision for you to make.

3. The Decision to: Choose Joy in the Journey

I watch too many parents experience worry, anxiety, doubt, and fear that their kids won’t be successful in their sport.

I hear parents all the time who engage in pressure packed, confrontational conversations on a weekly basis with their kids around sports.

For example:

“If you really want to achieve the goals that you say you want to achieve, shouldn’t you go out and do wall ball more often?”

“You say you want this, but your actions show otherwise.”

“You gave up out there today.”

“You didn’t do ANY of the things we talked about during the game today!”

“Why did you get mad at your coach, why did you put your head down?”

“Why am I wasting money if this is the effort you put in?”

We often ask these questions in ways that feel destructive to our athletes rather than constructive.

Many times we ask these questions not to gain understanding, but because we want to control the outcomes our kids achieve. We want them to succeed. It's with good intent, but it will have long-term relational and personal consequences.

Sports parent decision #3 is to choose joy. By making this decision you are ensuring that one day, decades from now, you will be able to sit and reminisce with your kids about the fun, positive, heart-warming sports memories from the past.
 

Dedicated to your child’s success on and off the field,

Coach Andrew Simpson